Mandy

Mandy is a gem of a human being and a good friend to all.

For Ben

On October 28, 2015, I was notified that my friend Ben was found dead in his bathtub. He was close to my age, so I knew this wasn’t a natural death or a simple slip and fall. At the funeral, there was no viewing and everyone seemed secretive or ignorant about the cause of death, so I concluded suicide. I felt like his death impacted me more than everyone else. Maybe they hid it better. Maybe it’s because Ben was my fourth friend to have taken his own life. Sadly, last year there was a fifth.

I used to think suicidal thoughts were only for teenagers; just something that happened along puberty. But, when Ben became number four, knowing he was close to thirty years old shifted my perspective. In high school, I had made a several short films regarding suicide, but Ben’s death brought about new feelings that I wanted to express. I felt guilty that I saw his pain yet never acknowledged it. I felt the fear that if I took my own life, no one would care. I wondered if friends could see the pain behind my eyes. Would they stop me from committing the same act?

I’ve only seriously considered suicide once. I was a senior in high school and the burden of being the perfect son felt too heavy to carry. I planned out the steps, counted the cost, and realized I would be leaving family behind. I could not bear that thought. It was now or never. I chose never.

A year after Ben’s death, I decided to make another short film about suicide; nothing generic or using other testimonials. This topic was personal, so the film had to be personal. Every frame, sound, actor, and crew member was chosen with care.

Although I fight off depression daily, I vow to never take my own life. Not everyone is ready to make that promise. Wherever you are in your battlefield of the mind, you are not alone. If you believe you are, take solace in this film. There are people who know how you feel, people that have seen the light at the end of the never-ending tunnel. When you cannot carry hope on your own, let someone help you. I pray this film may be a light on the Ben’s of this world. I see you. I love you. I miss you.

Monroe, GA

While traveling back to Atlanta from Monroe, I saw an abandoned gas station. I pulled over, grabbed my Rolleiflex filled with Kodak Tmax 400, and snapped until the roll was finished.

MC Class of 2018

Ever since I returned from my trip to Israel, I've been revisiting the instinctive artist I was before I turned eighteen. I felt imaginative, creative, and innovative. When I went to college, I put more thought into my films, but less heart.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine decided to close down her business, which she later reopened, but I wanted to honor her past endeavors with a portrait. That inspiration sparked this portrait series of my friends using colored backdrops. I did a black and white photographic series of my friends in the past, but this time I wanted to try using color in a different way. I wanted to practice capturing the subject's personality. I feel successful in that.

I felt like a portraitist when taking these photos. I am thankful to all who stepped in front of my camera.

RED: Jennie

My friend, Jennie, saw my Facebook post about my RED series and wanted to be a part of it. She recently gave birth to her fourth child and asked if I would be interested in a breastfeeding photo shoot. I've always wanted to shoot one and I loved the idea of incorporating it with the red fabric series.

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Labor Day

Family gatherings have become more important to me as I get older. As we drift apart physically, we try not to emotionally. Weekly telephone conversations, text messages, and social media keeps us updated on each other's lives, but the energy changes when we are all in a room together. We don't need those devices to help communicate. We use our faces and pauses to read each other in a way that feels telepathic. We finish each other's sentences and burst into laughter with a simple glance. Those moments remind me that we are family.

So this year, we were able to reunite for Labor Day. I knew I had to do a photo shoot; something naturalistic portraying us in our current state, because soon that will change with relationships, marriages, and eventually kids. Our family will expand, so I wanted to capture us here and now.

One of my favorite photographers is Annie Leibovitz. I am consistently studying her images, lighting, and style. Her use of Oliphant canvas backdrops inspired me to try painting my own. I hated it at first because it looked nothing like an Oliphant backdrop, but my roommate and sisters liked it. After shooting with it a few times, I've come to accept it not as an Oliphant substitute, but as my own creation; loving it the way it was made.

I also brought some vintage cameras with which to experiment. One of my favorites is the Polaroid Land 250. It's a medium format camera using instant film. One of the benefits I love is that I have a unique picture printed instantly. I can't color correct, retouch, or fix it. It's all done through the camera based on the photographer's skill.

Before I left Atlanta, I finished my first pack of Fuji-100c color film and wanted to experiment with a black and white pack for the family photo shoot. So, I went on ebay and bought some expired Pola 667 which ran for about $30 each, which I knew was expensive. But if the results were as good as the color pack, I knew the purchase would be worth it. Indeed it was.

I love the results! There were, what seem to be, light leaks due to either improper positioning of the 501A Portrait Lens Kit or due to improper squeezing of the expired film through the rollers. I love how the "mistakes" frame the faces and complement the composition. They're almost like angelic wisps surrounding each person.

One of the challenges of this camera is composing and focusing the shot, especially with the 501A Portrait Lens Kit. During my experimentation with the color pack film, I noticed that neither the outer frame or inner frame in the focusing window were completely accurate. The subject would end up skewed into a corner. It wasn't incorrect by compositional standards, but it wasn't what I had intended. With that in mind, this time around I tried first composing according to the inner focusing frame, then looking at the subject in relation to the lens. I had much better results. The subjects were still skewed to the corner at times, but it made for a surprising and interesting picture every time. I love the contrast and tones of the Pola 667. I look forward to experimenting again with the second pack.

Thank you for reading my first blog post! Feel free to comment below and share it with others. If you have any questions or things you would like to learn more about, let me know and I'll be sure to include it in my next post. Contact me if you would like to book a session!